The first half of the week started off with asinine amounts of bad news. That pretty much killed any chance of hope after that.
Yep.
Then one night I was slicing onions for chili with a knife that can't even cut grapes or celery, but managed to slice the tip of my finger right in the nail bed.
Then Kelsey began to have night after night of unconsolable screaming, after what I assume was a night terror. These turn her into a mini Hulk for about fifteen minutes while we desperately try to calm her down before she breaks us.
Then she runs around like a madwoman for an hour or so until we force her back to bed. Then it's over like nothing happened. Except now we need more coffee.
This morning Kelsey robbed me of three additional hours of sleep by sleep-crying a couple times and then passing out til almost 11am while I sat brooding over a cup of espresso. Then it hit me that Father's Day is this weekend (shit) so after we ate, I stuck her in a cute outfit and went to take a couple photos as a gift.
She would have none of this. Even though, by law, after just waking up at 11am she should be happy and agreeable.
After managing a few "that'll do" shots with blurry hands and feet, I pocketed the SD card to go make prints.
Getting out of the house when coexisting with a puppy and a toddler is a circus. I never understood the meaning of "herding cats" until attempting to go from preparing to leave to actually leaving in under an hour.
When everything was pushed back, put away, packed up, and the kid had shoes on, I walked out the door and the car key was missing. Went back inside and searched desks, tables, piles of paper, boxes of toys, and off came the toddler shoes. I frantically texted David, threatening his life, while Kelsey made a beeline for the bookshelf and tore down books. Then finally:
It was in the wrong pocket of the diaper bag. THANKS DAVID.
The line of traffic at the Robinson exit was half a mile long, and it was a slow crawl to Walmart, which I hate as it is but it's the only place I have the photo kiosks memorized for quick access.
All the familiar kiosks were broken. A horde of people crowded the four machines left in working order, and they're some new kind I don't know.
I ONLY WANT 9 PHOTOS, GODDAMMIT
And Kelsey gets bored.
At this point I'm frustrated enough to begin subconsciously growling like a pissed off cat. Half an hour later I paid for my nine photos and got back in the car to head to the mall. Priority number one was to get Kelsey into the playground to run off her angst. Number two was a Father's Day gift for my husband if Kelsey cooperated.
The playground was packed and roiling with children, like a cauldron of toddler soup.
WHY AREN'T THESE PEOPLE AT WORK
Kelsey ran in headfirst and managed to have fun in her two square inches of free space.
An hour later I got to order the gift, though it needed picked up at 3pm, well into nap time. Hell no I am not keeping this child awake for another two hours. So we stopped at Chick fil A on our way out so she could eat a packet of barbecue sauce, waste four chicken nuggets, and throw my fries to the floor. Upon asking for a refill of my sweet tea, I was handed unsweetened tea.
Fuck all.
Stuffed Kelsey back into the car and we waited in traffic while she howled. When we got home the tea fell over and soaked my passenger seat - the one with the gross milk stain from a similar situation - and I heard it pour through onto the floor. In the house, it continued to leak though there were no holes and the lid was on, so I did what any sane person would do:
I put Kelsey down for her nap and let the dogs out while she protested such an offense. The load of diapers I had put in the dryer this morning were still damp, so I hung them on the line outside. But they had to repeatedly fall from my arms and drag on the ground first since I had no basket and everything outside is covered in pollen.
When the dogs came back in, Kelsey was finally silent until:
Captain Tardfeet tripped and stumbled his way up the stairs, knocking every surface with every part of his body.
Then I sat down and considered my options. Drink an entire bottle of whiskey or draw.
