Tuesday, June 14, 2011

There's No Such Thing As "Just A Nail Trim"

You walk into the grooming salon on a busy Saturday. There's a dog on every groomer's table, but you figure, eh, this should only take a second. Besides, it's not like you're asking for an entire groom, right?


What you don't know is this: there are two types of groomers in this salon. Those who have gone to school to cut hair and those who haven't. I'm the only one working (as there usually is) who cannot cut hair, and thus, nail trims fall into my line of responsibility.

Also, being the only one who can't cut hair means I get to groom all the breeds that usually don't get any length taken off, such as labs, pugs, beagles, and German shepherds.


* accurate depiction of a German shepherd

All of these dogs make appointments like the Yorkies and Shih-tzus on the other tables. In order to take care of a walk-in nail trim, I have to either:

A. Peel myself off of the dog on my table that weighs more than me and knows it, and is using that weight plus its panic abilities to make every step of the grooming process a thousand times more difficult than it needs to be; manage to walk the dog into the back of the salon without getting dragged from table to table (this dog also was a huge fight to put ON the table, almost always resulting in me having to pick up 60-70 lb dogs and lift them onto the table); and finally get the dog into the crate and shut the door before it pounds on it so hard that it manages to fling the door from my hands and escape to the front, thus starting the process over again

or

B. Tell you to wait a goddamn minute.

Most people are ok with B, but there are the select few who see the exhausting fight I'm taking and decide their task (that should be able to be done at home) is more important than me finishing the appointment in front of me so it can leave ASAP, hopefully without a belly full of the skin of my face.


I try to explain that in order to service them, I have to drop what I'm doing on this asshole dog before me, wrestle with it 30 feet into the back, stuff it into a kennel, do the nail trim, wrestle the dog back out of the crate as it desperately tries to run me over, fight with it and finally pick it up for the sixth time onto my table, tether it, muzzle it (both fights), and try to finish it quick before the next wanker walks in and starts the whole process over again...



Some people get it, some people don't. The ones who get butthurt at having to wait will usually get a longer wait time, or a quick lesson in DOING IT YOUR FUCKING SELF since it's JUST a nail trim, right? I mean, it can't possibly take that long or be that hard.

4 comments:

Jessica Mclain said...

We are in the same boat sister. I literally had to straddle a border collie yesterday to get it to calm down enough for me to trim it's toes, and they wanted me to so a grind as well. After the dog started howling after I just clipped a smidge of dry nail off of one toe, they quickly changed their minds (thanks Jeebus) and I had a groomer come over and straddle the dog so I could get it's back feet. The owner lady, with her husband, had the audacity to say, " I've never seen him act that way before, not even when I trim his nails at home." She glared, took her invoice and her neurotic dog out of the salon; where I promptly growled and cleaned off the blood from where the dog cut the shit out of me, with it's new shorn toes.

A. Rhodes said...

Yup, that's how it goes! And the people with the bad dogs who cut you and bruise you, they never tip.

Jessica Mclain said...

The best part is when they spray you with their anal glands when you clip their back toes. You should do a post on the grossness of that.

Cheska said...

Ok, was reading through your blog since Josh shot me the link, I had no idea you were a dog groomer, this post made me LOL and nod in agreement. I've been a groomer for almost 3 and a half years and this is something I completely identify with. The people can be so vile, too, they have a way of making you hate all humanity.