UPDATE!

Today's update is over on Tanked!

I Hate The Vacuum

This is my vacuum cleaner.

It was a wedding gift to us, and it’s a very good vacuum, however...

I hate this motherfucker.

I’m not entirely up-to-speed with household appliances anyway, but this machine appears to have been manufactured on steroids. It’s heavy and grips the floor like you did after the bars closed last St. Patrick’s Day.

The hose “extension” is roughly 2.6 inches in length, and pulling the hose any further results in the vacuum colliding into my unsuspecting spine.

To use the hose, I have to place one foot on the base of the vacuum and hold the thing in place so it won’t roll into me or fall over onto the floor. Cleaning the fan blades was an adventure I’m not interested in repeating.

The suction power of this beast is similar to

owning a black hole in a cylindrical, plastic box. While effective on large rugs that are stapled to the floor, this vacuum eats every area rug it comes in contact with, and if the hose extension isn’t watched closely enough, anyone who uses it could lose a leg.

The bag needs replaced each time I vacuum, however I clean about once a month for these above reasons, so I’m not sure this is normal.

Aside from the two carpets that actually benefit from such an un-tameable machine, the only thing I enjoy about using it is terrifying the animals.

Birthday Recap

Here's recounting the last six years of David's birthday that have somehow managed to be ruined, a lot of the time by me:

Happy 26th Birthday to my awesome, patient husband.

That'll Do, Pig