Friday, September 30, 2011
Oops
Fought a long battle with a frozen chicken, nearly lost my mind in the process. Totally forgot today was Friday... Will resume regular postings on Monday.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Animal Compassion
I've already described in a previous comic how I'm pretty sure I'm hypoglycemic but refuse to get tested because
A. I have horrible doctor and hospital phobias and
B. I can keep it pretty well under control so until it kills me, I don't think a medical visit is necessary.
You know how dogs are "supposed" to have this sense about when things are going wrong in the house, or with their owners, who they love so very much? My small pack is the most compassionate group of motherfuckers you'll ever find.
There have been a couple of occasions where I've let the shakiness go on for so long (stubbornness will do that) that I've been reduced to a pathetic vibrating mass crawling across the kitchen floor for a soda in hopes of a quick sugar fix. Below is evidence of how concerned everyone was to my plight, and how they helped me to a speedy recovery:
Their capability for unconditional love is enough to bring a tear to your eye.
A. I have horrible doctor and hospital phobias and
B. I can keep it pretty well under control so until it kills me, I don't think a medical visit is necessary.
You know how dogs are "supposed" to have this sense about when things are going wrong in the house, or with their owners, who they love so very much? My small pack is the most compassionate group of motherfuckers you'll ever find.
There have been a couple of occasions where I've let the shakiness go on for so long (stubbornness will do that) that I've been reduced to a pathetic vibrating mass crawling across the kitchen floor for a soda in hopes of a quick sugar fix. Below is evidence of how concerned everyone was to my plight, and how they helped me to a speedy recovery:
Their capability for unconditional love is enough to bring a tear to your eye.
Friday, September 16, 2011
You Look Like You Could Suck a Golfball Through a Garden Hose!
David has told me a few stories of how he's shot groundhogs from an upstairs window of his parents' house. I can't help but visualize him as one of those kids who returned from Vietnam and wasn't quite right ever again, hanging out of a bedroom window with a .22 caliber, playing God.
:helicopter blades fade off in the distance:
:helicopter blades fade off in the distance:
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Groundhog Day
We somehow managed to snag three acres of woods right outside of Pittsburgh. Directly behind our house is a cliff leading to a major interstate, and we dump produce scraps and pet shit over the side of it to rot. (Sadly, the house is too high up from the highway and the woods are too thick for anything to hit passing cars.)
Every once in a while we catch a glimpse of bewildered wildlife, staggering around the yard amidst all the transportation noise like they have no idea how this all happened. It's kindof sad if you think about it too much.
Most recently, a groundhog (or woodchuck, if you're a hick) took up residence on the side of the hill and has been eating like a goddamn king for months. He's also wrecked some parts of our garden when plentiful scraps weren't enough, but I digress.
This month we bottled David's first batch of homemade blueberry wine. After it ferments in the "primary fermenter" the wine is moved to another container, and the blueberry/yeast mash is discarded. Onto the back hill. Where the groundhog has been living it up like Templeton's smorgasbord.
(If you don't catch that, GTFO.)
Last weekend or so, David took the dogs outside and caught movement in the back of the yard, on our side of the fence. Somehow the dogs were oblivious.
Then the groundhog moved closer, which is never a good idea.
It waddled along the fence line, clearly not right. Fearing rabies or another illness, David tried to reign the dogs in, but he was far too outnumbered.
Confused by the ruckus, the groundhog hissed at the dogs as one by one they attempted to gnaw on it. It snapped at Brutus, but didn't connect. At one point, Orion picked it up by the neck and shook it like a toy.
It struggled free and stumbled to the corner of the gate, where David was now approaching. Cornered between unforgiving metal and four loud, snapping mouths, the poor drunk groundhog must've had one of those "I'll never drink again" moments.
David managed to wedge a scrap piece of fencing between the dogs and the groundhog so it could finally squeeze its chubby butt through a depression it found. It tumbled along in a zig-zag path back to the hill to work off possibly the worst hangover in the history of the world.
*As a disclaimer, just because, all of our dogs are routinely updated on all their vaccines including rabies. No one, not even the drunk groundhog, was hurt in this encounter.
Every once in a while we catch a glimpse of bewildered wildlife, staggering around the yard amidst all the transportation noise like they have no idea how this all happened. It's kindof sad if you think about it too much.
Most recently, a groundhog (or woodchuck, if you're a hick) took up residence on the side of the hill and has been eating like a goddamn king for months. He's also wrecked some parts of our garden when plentiful scraps weren't enough, but I digress.
This month we bottled David's first batch of homemade blueberry wine. After it ferments in the "primary fermenter" the wine is moved to another container, and the blueberry/yeast mash is discarded. Onto the back hill. Where the groundhog has been living it up like Templeton's smorgasbord.
(If you don't catch that, GTFO.)
Last weekend or so, David took the dogs outside and caught movement in the back of the yard, on our side of the fence. Somehow the dogs were oblivious.
Then the groundhog moved closer, which is never a good idea.
It waddled along the fence line, clearly not right. Fearing rabies or another illness, David tried to reign the dogs in, but he was far too outnumbered.
Confused by the ruckus, the groundhog hissed at the dogs as one by one they attempted to gnaw on it. It snapped at Brutus, but didn't connect. At one point, Orion picked it up by the neck and shook it like a toy.
It struggled free and stumbled to the corner of the gate, where David was now approaching. Cornered between unforgiving metal and four loud, snapping mouths, the poor drunk groundhog must've had one of those "I'll never drink again" moments.
David managed to wedge a scrap piece of fencing between the dogs and the groundhog so it could finally squeeze its chubby butt through a depression it found. It tumbled along in a zig-zag path back to the hill to work off possibly the worst hangover in the history of the world.
*As a disclaimer, just because, all of our dogs are routinely updated on all their vaccines including rabies. No one, not even the drunk groundhog, was hurt in this encounter.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Dog Voices
In case you didn't think we were crazy enough, we make voices for our dogs so they can "talk back" to us or to each other. It's pretty funny when there are friends around (or even no one within earshot).
The only logical thing to do in this situation is pretend it never happened.
It's become such a regular part of our lives that we don't even think about doing it anymore. So we don't realize this isn't a normal thing to do until someone else hears it.
The only logical thing to do in this situation is pretend it never happened.
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